Scotch and Proud


Church admits to "obscene wealth"

The Church of Scotland have chosen to stoke controversy with a harsh critique of their operations over the last few hundred years. The Right Reverend Roland O'Riley, Moderator of the General Assembly of the Church of Scotland, admitted that the Church had sought and achieved “obscene wealth”, had a “moral vacuosness more akin to Charlie Sheen than Jesus Christ,” and “had questionable stances on tax evasion and unethical investments." Previous investments in Tesco, HSBC, Wonga and The Greggs would seem to back this up.


Rather than seeking to apologise or justify these blemishes, O'Riley stated that “that’s what you’ve got to do to get ahead nowadays.” He did however concede that there were concerns at the fact that nobody goes to church anymore, anyone that does is old and may die very soon and that going to church tends (in the most) to be “extremely fucking boring.”


The timing of his statement comes at a time when a recent poll showed that 87% of Scots wrongly identified a photo of Russell Brand as Jesus Christ, when presented with a selection of photos.