Scotch and Proud


Genetic manipulation will ensure Commonwealth Games success for Scots

Scots boffins have been found to have implemented an aggressive form of genetic programming to ensure success in 2014 Commonwealth Games. To save time and money in training athletes (in often diabolical weather) Sport Scotland have opted to alter the genes of our sportsmen and women to build muscle and sinew and boost their blood’s oxygen-carrying ability.


Concerns over such morally questionable tactics have been brushed aside by the Minister for Commonwealth Games and Sport who commented, “What we want and what we will have is an unbeatable master-race of genetically manipulated super-competitors with enhanced lung-power, heightened strength and impeccable manners. It’s all about the medals and eating Monster Munch all day isn’t going to help us win. Genetic mutation will.”


Put like that it is hard to argue against and it is also thought that there is an outside chance that some genuine superheroes will also emerge as a result of such untried, laboratory testing, potentially leading to reduced crime and corruption within the Greater Glasgow area.


Scotch Commie Games