Scotch and Proud


MP Alexander gripped by addiction

Danny Alexander, Chief Secretary to the Treasury, Grand High Leader of the Klan and MP for Inverness, Nairn, Badenoch & Strathspey, has reacted furiously to recent allegations of addiction and general ginger degeneracy.


The strawberry-blond MP recently woke to unwanted front-page headlines over his barnet but now firmly denies that continual abuse of Cheesy Wotsits has led to even greater levels of gingerness, now beyond the realms previously thought possible.


A recent poll of the UK populus found that 97% of people judge MPs purely on appearance and the ability to not be a dick and Liberal Democrat spin doctors are increasingly concerned by Mr. Alexander's status on both counts


Danny boy has made a series of recent public engagements where a bag of Cheesy Wotsits has been seen on his person but insiders say he is now in denial  about his use of the baked snack as a clear emotional crutch.  Whilst Mr Alexander continues to rebutt such accusations, he has now conceded that his daily combination of Wotsits, Irn Bru and Borders Dark Chocolate Ginger biscuits could perhaps be moderated. Only time will tell as to whether he can regain control of his life but the danger to his wellbeing is clear for all to see.


The effect on the No campaign of Alexander's issues cannot be exaggerated.