Elvis Presley - The King. And a little bit Scotch. Not just cos he landed at Prestwick once - ancestor got hitched in Aberdeen a good
Clint Eastwood - The Man With No Name. We've all forgotten our names....no shame in that whatsoever Clint.
Johnny Cash - His Daddy's Daddy's Daddy's Daddy's Daddy was from Fife. Never, ever got a round in.
Neil Armstrong - First man on the moon. Squatter's rights dictates that the moon is in fact Scotch. Let's go.
Malcolm X - African American Muslim minister and human rights activist. Malky's grandad was Scotch and sowed the seeds of
Kurt Cobain - fondness for scag is not necessarily the only link. Mother was of Scottish descent and favourite band's The Teenage Fanclub.
James Dean - "What you rebelling against?"...."What you got?"......."ehhh, oil and chips."
Mel Gibson - obviously. His descent into alcoholism and anti-semitism.....proof if proof was needed.
Axl Rose - wore a kilt on stage cos he was Scotch. And proud.
Oliver Hardy - Fat. Tick. Bully. Tick. Funny. Tick. Scotch. Tick.
Bill Gates - ehm...what's happening here?
Donald Trump - for the love of Christ, a few bad apples should not define a nation.
Rupert Murdoch - right, that's it. Everybody out.
Gil Scot-Heron - Back on track.
Jimi Hendrix - Genius who choked on his own vomit. Can happen to the best of them.
Mark Twain - huge 'tache.
Jim Morrison - of Scottish descent….later arrested for getting his cock out on stage.
Steve McQueen - few realise that The Great Escape was originally pitched as a small-time dream to leave Auchtermuchty.
Jesus Christ - ended up in Bethlehem but made his name as a carpenter in Kirkcaldy. Tenuous.
And finally, our Leader, Head of the Scotch, Alex Salmond...
Of dubious heritage (Linlithgow) our Guardian is known to be shy in emphasing his Scotchness, never more evident than in his appearance on Desert Island Discs, where his greasy mitts got uncomfortably close to Hot Scotch, Kirsty Young. His favourite items included:-
Favourite Songs - 500 Miles by The Proclaimers and Caledonia by Frankie Miller
Favourite Book - The complete Works of Robbie Burns
Luxury Item - Golf club, for golf was invented in Scotland
Rumours abound of an unedited version where his favourite pin-up was Janette Krankie, his favourite food deep-freid pizza and his favourite colour was Irn-Bru. Come on Fatty, you're English aren't you and you're trying every trick in the book to persuade us
The Fatman's efforts to break us away from small-minded, parochial stereotypes are appreciated.