Scotch and Proud


Weatherman declares hatred for Scotland

Michael Fish MBE has broken from the shackles of BBC broadcasting to take an unexpected swipe at weather across the world. Fish, a 42-year veteran of the Meteorological Office, seems to have taken a particularly bigoted stance towards the inclement weather that occasional befalls Scotland and raged, "If there was one country that I vow to never again make the mistake of visiting, it is Scotland. In my entire career I failed to even once successfully predict the weather there to any degree of accuracy and whenever I have visited in the past, the unpleasantness of the climate has only been matched by the hospitality of the locals."


"It has, and will always have, the shittest weather in the world."


An ex-colleague of the venerable Fish (who refused to be named) claims that he wasn't in the least bit surprised by the petulant whimpering of a balding great and hinted that it perhaps wasn't the weather that was the real cause of upset. "I do remember Michael returning from a visit North and declaring his distaste for the weather. However, he reserved more ire for what he saw as the exorbitant price of female companionship, in particular on one visit to Aberdeen."


Independent research has previously placed Scotland just outside the Top 5 in terms of countries with the shittest weather, just behind Siberia and Bangladesh.


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