Scotch and Proud


Miliband labels Sturgeon a "fiery little sexpot"

Following Wednesday's boring-as-fuck leaders' debate, Ed Milliband has taken the unusual and highly risky step of openly flirting with a rival to the UK vote. Though he has previously describes David Cameron (Prime Minister and that) as "a handsome devil with the delicate hint of lavender that one would wish in any wife," it is unheralded for him to turn his attention to a female compatriot . Edward's description of Ms. Sturgeon as "a little sexpot, with the feisty, feral magnetism of a young Dirk Bogarde" may come as a surprise to some - but not to the Scottish populace, long in the thrall of Nicola, the Princess Warrior.


Despite not wanting to form a formal coalition with the SNP, Ed seems to have left a more informal alliance as a distinct possibility. The offspring of such a liaison would presumably be carted off immediately to the fashion stable of Dolce and Gabanna for a lifetime of constant photoshoots.


Alex Salmond, the unemployed ex-First Minister for Scotland,  slammed the comments as "both unecessary and wildly inaccurate," whilst Nigel Farage (a clear voice of reason during the debates) sought to end the discussion over Sturgeon's  attractiveness by asserting, "She is white and that is clearly the main criteria on which she should be judged."


Scotch and Proud yearn for the day where elections are not won and lost on the appearance of the main candidates but rather on the ability to bullshit, pontificate, finger-point and capture vast amount of election funding from unscrupulous sources that will later be rewarded with favourable policies.


scotch nicola