Scotch and Proud

 

Murphy loses mind and soul

It is with much regret that we report that Jim Murphy MP for East Renfrewshire, has gone buck-eijit mental following his "100 Streets" tour of Scotland. The point of the tour has been long forgotten but is thought to have been related to attempts to get people to like Jim more than Alex Salmond. Forever tainted by whispers over being an alleged alien reptilian shapeshifter, Murphy has taken to street hustings with a loudspeaker like some kind of mental bible basher but without the beard.

 

Murphy is only at number 60 of 100 street events but insiders say he is unlikely to complete his campaign, after turning feral and shunning booked hotel accommodation to live beneath the streets like a latter day fuckwit from the old days.

 

When offered water and a bed for the night by a clearly well-minded onlooker, Murphy eyeballed her like a crazy, removed the carcass of a well-gnawed rat from his mouth and politely repeated his mantra "No Thanks."

A Labour party insider has suggested that this descent into madness has been on the cards for some time and stems from an increasing concern over his receding hairline.

 

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