Scotch and Proud


Orange Order march seals the union

A referendum that was on a knife-edge has now been resolved by the intervention of the heroic Orange Order. Today's 15,000 strong march in Edinburgh has seemingly successfully converted the vast majority of YES voters into NO. A nationwide poll taken an hour after the completion of the march shows that  80% of the whole of Scotland now propose to keep the union, with only 12% still sticking to independence and 8% incapacitated as a result of the march.


Police Scotland were delighted with the lack of fatalities on the day and summarised events as "good-natured and with only an estimated 37% of marchers being clear tossers."


One proud Orangewoman, Bernadette John-Paul Aherne, from the Dave Allen Memorial Lodge summed up the stance of the Order with the following heartfelt declaration:-


"Mahatma Ghandi, the Order's Spiritual Leader, once said,

'You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is like an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty.' We believe that Alex Salmond is dirty, we believe that Nicola Sturgeon is dirty (a given) and we believe that all YES voters are also dirty. We want to clean them."


"We're proud to be British, proud to be Scottish, proud to be Protestant, proud to be Orange and proud to be humans. We don’t lack in pride. We are proud of our pride." The inclusion of Pride as one of the deadly sins in the old Bible is not thought to be of primary concern and it can only be concluded that religious pride has its own exemption. Which would only be fair and correct.


Alastair Darling has personally thanked the Orange Order and subsequently described them as " the Better Together campaign in a nutshell."


The YES campaign have since conceded defeat in a fax to Westminster.