Scotch and Proud



The Scottish Justice Minister (whoever that is) has applauded reports that a court in the kingdom of Saudi Arabia has ordered a punishment of paralysis for a man who caused the paralysis of a friend by stabbing him. With the current justice system in Scotland clearly falling on its arse, this “eye for an eye” process seems to be the only viable way forward to deter prospective toerags.


In confirming that Scotland will be implementing an identical policy ASAP, The Justice Minister commented “you can’t make an omelette without breaking a few eggs.” It’s unclear what this comment related to. Whilst this will initially lead to a surge in stabbings and violent crime (figures will exactly double) it is thought that the figures could be sufficiently massaged by a complex reporting system so that they will then be halved again.


The Government have so far denied that this policy is based on the South Park episode where Cartman kicks Stan in the balls and Stan then gets to alleviate his pain and suffering by then returning the kick in the balls to Cartman. However, the end result of this episode was that they both stopped kicking each other in the balls – an outcome exactly matching the aims of this scheme.


Aye for an aye

Scotch hanging