Scotch and Proud


Scottish Barbie a dirty stop-out

American toy company Mattel Inc. has shocked the UK toy industry by showing a cynical, outdated and sexist attitude that is set to see sales of their Barbie doll plummet north of the border.


The prestigious makers of Barbie have admitted that their Scottish version has been designed to display 'slightly looser morals' than the other versions sold in the rest of the UK. Even those in Wales. Without any signs of remorse, CEO Hank Jefferson confirmed that the skirts of the Barbies sold in Scotland were 17% shorter than standard, with the average exposure of flesh being 20% greater. Hank was however at pains to highlight that they had responded to previous complaints over Barbie being unrealistically skinny - adding significant girth to the blonde glamour queen in Scotland. He also sought to clarify, "Barbie is showing girls that they can be whatever they want to be. So long as they do so whilst maintaining a fairly slutty dress sense."


Whilst parent groups in Scotland have slammed the sexualisation of youth and called for a boycott of both Barbie and her long-term companion Ken, others have questioned whether Barbie leads trends, or merely mirrors wider society.


Pete Townsend, UK Child Protection Czar and author of "Skank Barbie and the effects on us all," seemed willing to give Mattel Inc. the benefit of the doubt in this case. "It's a curious topic," admitted Mr. Townsend who is well respected for his peerless research. "What came first - the chicken or the egg?"


Upon being informed of this conclusion, Mattel's spokeswoman responded with a terse "chicken," while Nicola Sturgeon, First Minister of Scotland and that, entered the debate by firmly shouting 'EGG ' at this particular journalist. Though this has happened before in a completely unrelated incident.


In September 2003, the Middle Eastern country of Saudi Arabia outlawed the sale of Barbie dolls, saying that they did not conform to the ideals of Islam. It would seem that Scotland is now likely to join this illustrious company.


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