Scotch and Proud

 

Tartan industry fears "Sturgeon-effect"

The euphoria that has greeted Nicola Sturgeon's ascent to the Scottish throne, has caused unexpected concern amongst the previously buoyant tartan industry. The new First Minister (much like her tubby predecessor) is showing a growing wish to wear tartan at every opportunity. This is only fair and indeed can pretty much be seen as essential as a reminder to everyone of who she is Leader of. In the same way that the King of Norway wears a viking crown and the Morrocan Prime Minister dons a fez. This should be the bare minimum requirement of being in charge.

 

It's a thin line however, between promoting the tartan industry, and causing such frenzied global demand that a drought will inevitably follow. Industry experts are painting a bleak picture of the available tartan reserves and fears are now growing that their will be insufficient tartan left to see out the decade. Whilst the glamorous Sturgeon is perhaps not at fault for this current crisis, the lack of foresight that she has displayed in wantonly parading herself in plaid, does not demonstrate the strategic mind needed for the role.

 

There is a solution to the looming tartan shortage but the question is whether it is one that is palatable to this proud nation. The tartan rationing that became mandatory during the 1978 World Cup led to scenes of pillaging and looting that no-one surely wants to see again. It is hard to see another option however, should we wish to ensure that tartan remains a realistic goal for future generations.

 

This publication would urge caution over the coming weeks, warns against stockpiling and would implore the First Minister to seek a less selfish sense of style.

scotch sturgeon