In a move set to elicit wild celebration amongst Scots everywhere, Donald Trump has finalised the purchase of Scotland. The much respected Honorary Scot (whose mother was born in Scotland or something) has long been concerned at the state of the nation and the controversial stance of the Government to encourage clean, green energy.
To remedy this, the country will now be fully-owned by Trump, who has so far been relaxed about giving a deadline for all residents to leave his property. When the country is fully cleared, the current plan is to expand his Aberdeen golf course into the World’s first (and therefore best) mega-course. Trump’s takeover will allow all Scots the opportunity to leave the country where a world of adventure and prosperity will await.
Jack Nicklaus, the 82-year old 18 times Major golf champion and world- respected course designer, responded to the ambitious plans by stating, “It’s a fucking disgrace.”